Another splendidly gruesome piece, John. I hope you have a supply of pseudonyms to hand.
I wonder whether the last line of the second stanza would be better if you found another rhyme that didn't repeat (by anticipation) the 'you' of the final stanza. But I don't have any suggestions, although I vaguely imagine lines like
Who’s the dog that didn’t bark when ---- was turned to glue?
And perhaps you need a question mark and a comma in the last line -
Who’s that grinning like a shark? ... Oh, it was always you.
Last edited by Brian Allgar; 11-23-2014 at 12:50 PM.
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