[Rob Stuart]

I always struggle with this comp although I reckon this is my best crack at it so far. The rhymes do kind of insist on a booze theme. Should 'Beaujolais' be capitalised?

If you ask me, I reckon it’s a shame
That temperance is championed today:
A glass of Vimto’s simply not the same
As sipping on a vintage Beaujolais,
And tonic water minus any gin
Is not a drink a drinker suffers twice:
A virgin mary’s miserable as sin
(No vodka, which exacts a heavy price.)
It’s rum to have a rumless rum and Coke,
So see the barman slips a tot in first.
A bloke who’s on the wagon’s not a bloke;
A proper man displays a proper thirst.
Don’t doubt me, pal, I’m totally sincere:
I’ll punch you if you order ginger beer.