Julie,
this is amazing! You have preserved the rhymes unbelievably! It sings beautifully! Bravo!
I can't come close to managing that--tend to keep just a hint of rhymes--often just a slant on the last syllable.
On the other hand, you have take a lot of freedom in translating the meaning--particularly since I am not a person of faith, I feel that I have to stay close to Kryl's imagery and literal meaning.
Clearly, both approaches have their advantages. Here is my approach to the first verse:
Thank you
God creates,
God creates sprigs each spring,
for wreathes that I might fashion.
Thank you for
thank you for pain life brings,
which teaches me to question.
Thank you for
thank you for failure which
has taught me perseverance,
that I might
that I might give to each
though stressed beyond endurance,
I thank you, I thank you, I thank you.
In any case, thank you, Julie. I hope someone else has a try!
Martin
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