2015 ERATOSPHERE TRANSLATION BAKE-OFF
MAIN EVENT ENTRY A
Title:
"I Am a Man" ("Je suis un homme")
Lyricist and Composer:
French lyrics and music by Zazie (stage name of Isabelle Marie Anne de Truchis de Varennes, 1964- )
Translator's Note:
This reached the top ten of the pop charts in France and Belgium in 2007.
Sung Versions:
1.)
French lyrics, performed by Zazie
2.) If the official video above is not authorized for views in your country, try this
live performance of the French lyrics.
3.)
The contestant's English translation, performed a cappella by the Top Secret Yodeler
Commentary by the Top Secret Yodeler:
I accidentally omitted the word "a" from S1L2, muffed the timing a bit here and there, and had some pitch wobbles. But I think folks can get the general idea of what it's supposed to sound like. Which is, after all, the point.
Text of the Contestant's English Translation
I am a man
I am a man, I'm a caveman,
and every day, quick as I can,
Like an ape or like a whale,
I chase my tail, I chase my tail.
I am alone, then in a crowd.
I am a hero, brave and proud,
Fighting in my coat of mail.
I chase my tail, I chase my tail.
I am a man with high ideals:
a massive house and bitchin’ wheels.
In my bed, or on the trail,
I chase my tail, I chase my tail.
I make love and I make war,
analyze the question’s core,
win some fights, but winning, fail.
I chase my tail, I chase my tail.
You see, I'm not a man.
I am king of sleight of hand.
In the end, I’ll avoid blame.
I am king, the king of shame.
I made the planet fit my mould,
Cast in concrete, dipped in gold.
Body caged and heart in jail,
I chase my tail, I chase my tail.
Sprawled in front of my TV,
Flip-side of what a man should be,
Consumer crap up to the gills,
I pay the bills, I pay the bills.
You see, I'm not a man.
I am king of sleight of hand.
In the end, I’ll avoid blame.
I am king, the king of shame.
And I am master of fire, and master of games.
I rule the world – see how I set the world to flames.
A blazing earth, a blistering lake,
This land of men, which even men forsake.
I am a man against the wall,
A boar at bay while beagles bawl.
Look across the freak show rail:
I chase my tail, I chase my tail.
I am a man and I confess
The horror of my brutishness.
My penance, trivial travail.
I chase my tail, I chase my tail.
NOTE: Although the Top Secret Yodeler sang the updated version of the translation, the Top Secret Distinguished Guest accidentally posted the text of the first version that this competitor sent. The only difference is to the first line of the song, which was "I am a real Cro-Magnon man," and is now "I am a man, I'm a caveman,". S3L1 of the crib below also changed from "I am a man full of ambitions" to "I am a man full of ambition." Apologies for any confusion.
The Original French Lyrics:
Je Suis Un Homme
Je suis un homme de cro-magnon
Je suis un singe ou un poisson
Sur la terre, en toute saison
Moi je tourne en rond, je tourne en rond
Je suis un seul puis des millions
Je suis un homme au coeur de lion
A la guerre, en toute saison
Moi je tourne en rond, je tourne en rond
Je suis un homme plein d'ambitions
Belle voiture et belle maison
Dans la chambre, dans le salon
Moi je tourne en rond, je tourne en rond
Je fais l'amour et la révolution
Je fais le tour de la question
J'avance, avance à reculons
Oui je tourne en rond, je tourne en rond
Tu vois, j'suis pas un homme
Je suis le roi de l'illusion
Au fond qu'on me pardonne
Je suis le roi, le roi des cons
J'ai fait le monde à ma façon
Coulé dans l'or et le béton
Corps en cage et coeur en prison
Moi je tourne en rond, je tourne en rond
Assis devant ma télévision
Je suis de l'homme la négation
Pur produit de consommation
Mais mon compte est bon, mon compte est bon
Tu vois, j'suis pas un homme
Je suis le roi de l'illusion
Au fond qu'on me pardonne
Je suis le roi, le roi des cons
C'est moi le maître du feu, le maître du jeu
Le maître du monde, et vois ce que j'en ai fait
Une terre glacée, une terre brûlée
La terre des hommes que les hommes abandonnent
Je suis un homme au pied du mur
Comme une erreur de la nature
Sur la terre, sans d'autres raisons
Moi je tourne en rond, je tourne en rond
Je suis un homme et je mesure
Toute l'horreur de ma nature
Pour ma peine, ma punition
Moi je tourne en rond, je tourne en rond
The Contestant's Literal Crib
I am a man
I am a Cro-Magnon man.
I am a monkey or a fish.
On the earth, all year round,
I run in circles, I run in circles.
I am only one, then millions.
I am a man with a lion’s heart.
At war, all year round,
I run in circles, I run in circles.
I am a man full of ambitions.
Nice car and nice house.
In the bedroom, in the living room,
I run in circles, I run in circles.
I make love and revolution.
I explore the question. (lit: do a tour of the question)
I advance, advance backwards.
I run in circles, I run in circles.
You see, I'm not a man,
I am the king of illusion.
After all, I may be forgiven.
I am the king, the king of cunts.
I've made the world my way,
Cast in gold and concrete.
Caged body and imprisoned heart,
I run in circles, I run in circles.
Sitting in front of my television,
I am the negation of man,
Pure consumer goods.
But my account is good, my account is good. (Colloq: I am doomed)
You see, I'm not a man,
I am the king of illusion.
After all, I may be forgiven.
I am the king, the king of cunts.
It is I, the master of fire, master of the game,
Master of the world, and see what I've done with it:
A frozen land, a burnt land,
The land of men that men abandon.
I am a man at the foot of the wall, (colloq: with his back to the wall)
Like a freak of nature
On the earth, with no other reason,
I run in circles, I run in circles.
I am a man, and I consider
All the horror of my nature.
For my trouble, my punishment,
I run in circles, I run in circles.
Commentary by Top Secret Distinguished Guest:
I thought the use of a colloquial expression of futile busy-ness ("I chase my tail") as the repetend was spot-on, and meshed well with the idea of humanity at odds with the natural world. The idea of human beings chasing the tails they once had, but have no longer, hints at evolution, with its ominous overtones of survival of the fittest and the culling (or even extinction) of creatures that cannot get along with their environment. At the same time, the loss of those erstwhile tails suggests a capacity for change, which is a hopeful notion. (Although I admit that the optimist in me is probably reading way too much into that, in the context of such a misanthropic song. Still, I like the possibility suggested in the translation, even if no one sees it but me.)
By the way, in the crib, the "I run" in "I run in circles" is a bit misleading, because "je tourne" is literally "I turn". But no matter.
The two stanzas between the two refrains were wonderful, and I loved the bridge and final stanza.
I had several minor quibbles with the handling of some phrases, and quibbles take longer than praise, so before launching into those I'll reiterate that I was very impressed with this effort.
If the first line's (and title's) "I am a man" is taken as a statement of membership in that species, rather than a statement of either individuality or masculinity, there were a few instances in this translation in which the imagery and diction felt overly specific.
When the tail-chasing image is first introduced, the fact that the "ape" in the preceding line does not have a visible tail is problematic for me. I would have preferred "monkey" there. I was also a bit sorry to see the idea of a fish out of water ("un poisson / sur la terre") lost in "like a whale", but it seems a small sacrifice.
"I am alone, then in a crowd" connotes an individual perspective in the second stanza; however, the original's evocation of "millions" suggests that the narrator is speaking for humanity as a whole...and that the war mentioned in line 3 of the original is actual and current armed conflict. The translation's anachronistic "Fighting in my coat of mail" thus seems too metaphorical to me, even though it does capture the chivalric flavor of the original's "heart of a lion" idea.
Similarly, from a standpoint of generality, I felt that the tone of "a massive house and bitchin' wheels" in the third stanza connoted a very specific social class and gender, while the original seems more generally applicable to our species.
Since the song moves so fast, "win some fights, but winning, fail" might make immediate sense as "win some fights, but even so, fail"
The somewhat confusing negation in the first two lines of the refrain--"You see, I'm not a man / I am king..."--might also make more sense as "See, I'm not a mere man / I am king..."
In the verse translation and crib of the final line of the refrain, the word
cons (WordReference definition
here) might be taken more colloquially to connote the narrator's self-loathing for his/her stupidity. I would prefer an insult there, rather than the less pointed "king of shame". In a sense, the whole species is being called
cons, and the narrator is declaring himself king of them--either because he's more aware of being a
con than the rest, or because he's the biggest
con of them all.
Finally, the alliteration of "A boar at bay while beagles bawl" in the penultimate verse gives tremendous emphasis to an idea which really isn't in the original. I would prefer keeping the idea of being at odds with the natural world, because the bridge and two final verses strike me as a harsh examination of conscience for the narrator's own sins (even if those sins are collective ones), rather than a statement of feeling victimized or aggrieved by the actions of others.
While we're on the subject of sonics, the translation varied the rhymes more...
aabb/ccbb/ddbb/eebb/(refrain)aaff/
ggbb/hhbb/(refrain)aaff/
(bridge)ffii/
jjbb/kkbb
but still did a very good job of suggesting the flavor of the original:
aaaa/aaaa/aaaa/aaaa/(refrain)baba/
aaaa/aaaa/(refrain)baba/
(bridge, including internal rhymes)bbcdddcc/
eeaa/eeaa/
On the whole, a very tasty dish.