2015 ERATOSPHERE TRANSLATION BAKE-OFF
MAIN EVENT ENTRY E
Title:
"The Black Cat" ("Le Chat Noir")
Lyricist and Composer:
French lyrics and music by Aristide Bruant (1851-1925)
Translator's Note:
Aristide Bruant was a French cabaret singer of the late 19th and early 20th centuries. He performed for many years at a cabaret in Montmartre called Le Chat Noir. He is known for introducing working-class slang and themes into his songs.
Sung Versions:
1.)
French lyrics, performed by Aristide Bruant
2.)
The contestant's English translation, performed a cappella by the Top Secret Yodeler
The Competitor's Translation
The Black Cat
The moon was shining brightly
When on the street I seen
An old pal who politely
Said “Where you been, old bean?”
“Tonight’s already Sunday,
Old pal o’ mine,” I said,
“Tomorrow will be Monday—
I need my daily bread!”
I’m seeking my fortune
Near the Black Cat Saloon
On the streets of Montmartre
In the moonlight.
I’m seeking my fortune
Near the Black Cat Saloon
On the streets of Montmartre
By the light of the moon.
The moon was getting hazy
When hey, guess who I met,
Sashaying lean and lazy—
Young Mademoiselle Annette!
“How’s tricks,” I said, “my beauty?”
She said “Can’t ask for more,
But as for you, my cutie,
What are you looking for?”
I’m seeking my fortune
Near the Black Cat Saloon
On the streets of Montmartre
In the moonlight.
I’m seeking my fortune
Near the Black Cat Saloon
On the streets of Montmartre
By the light of the moon.
The moon was getting darkish,
The cats began to howl.
While I was feeling larkish,
A cop was on the prowl.
A scratchy voice said “Gotcha,
And doncha try to flee!
Ya whippersnapper, wotcha
Been up to here?” – ”Who, me?”
I’m seeking my fortune
Near the Black Cat Saloon
On the streets of Montmartre
In the moonlight.
I’m seeking my fortune
Near the Black Cat Saloon
On the streets of Montmartre
By the light of the moon.
The moon was out of sight now
As they took me away.
They put me in the hoosegow
And questioned me this way:
What are you, a reporter?
A duke with a chateau?
A poet or a painter?
How do you earn your dough?
I search for my fortune
Near the Black Cat Saloon,
On the streets of Montmartre
In the moonlight.
I search for my fortune
Near the Black Cat Saloon,
On the streets of Montmartre
By the light of the moon.
Original French Lyrics
LE CHAT NOIR
La lune était sereine
Quand sur le boulevard,
Je vis poindre Sosthène
Qui me dit : Cher Oscar !
D'ou viens-tu, vieille branche ?
Moi, je lui répondis :
C'est aujourd'hui dimanche,
Et c'est demain lundi ...
{Refrain:}
Je cherche fortune,
Autour du Chat Noir,
Au clair de la lune,
A Montmartre !
Je cherche fortune ;
Autour du Chat Noir,
Au clair de la lune,
A Montmartre, le soir.
La lune était moins claire,
Lorsque je rencontrai
Mademoiselle Claire
A qui je murmurai :
Comment vas-tu, la belle ?
- Très bien, et vous? - Merci.*
- A propos, me dit-elle,
Que cherchez-vous, ici ?
{Refrain}
La lune était plus sombre,
En haut les chats braillaient,
Quand j'aperçus, dans l'ombre,
Deux grands yeux qui brillaient.
Une voix de rogomme
Me cria : Nom d'un chien !
Je vous y prends, jeune homme,
Que faites-vous ? - Moi... rien...
{Refrain}
La lune était obscure,
Quand on me transborda
Dans une préfecture,
Où l'on me demanda :
Etes-vous journaliste,
Peintre, sculpteur, rentier,
Poète ou pianiste ? ...
Quel est votre métier ?
{Refrain}
*This is how Bruant sings the line on the recording below. The line is usually printed in a slightly different form.
The Competitor's Literal English Prose Crib
THE BLACK CAT
The moon was serene
When on the boulevard
I saw Sosthène appear
Who said to me: dear Oscar
Where are you coming from, my friend (lit. “old branch”)
Me, I replied to him
It’s Sunday today
and it’s Monday tomorrow
REFRAIN:
I am seeking fortune
Around the Black Cat
In the moonlight
In Montmartre
I am seeking fortune
Around the Black Cat
In the moonlight
In Montmartre tonight.
The moon was less clear
When I encountered
Mademoiselle Claire
To whom I murmured
How are you, beautiful one?
--Very well, and you? —Thank you.
--By the way, she said to me,
What are you looking for here?
[REFRAIN]
The moon was darker
On high the cats howled
When I perceived, in the shadows,
Two big eyes that shined.
A hoarse voice
Shouted to me: heck! (lit. “Name of a dog!”)
I’ve caught you, young man,
What are you doing? —Me? Nothing.
[REFRAIN]
The moon was dark
When they transferred me
To the prefecture,
Where they asked me,
Are you a journalist,
Painter, sculptor, person of independent means,
Poet or pianist?
What is your line of work?
[REFRAIN]
Commentary by Top Secret Yodeler
Another easy-to-sing entry, although that didn't stop me from muffing a few notes. The meter of the translation fit the tune quite gracefully.
Commentary by Top Secret Distinguished Guest:
Although the rhymes of the fourth verse are less perfect than those in the others, I congratulate the translator for keeping so close to the original rhyme scheme (AbAbCdCd, with the capitals indicating feminine rhymes, in the verses). The scheme of the refrain had to be tweaked a bit (AbAXAbAb to XaYZXaYa), but I think it works.
I also liked the translator's retention of moon references in the first line of each verse, like a clock chiming the hour, and the parallelism of the structure also helps the audience get re-oriented after emerging from the refrain.
A few picky little things:
At first the repetition of "old pal" stood out, but it doesn't bother me anymore.
I wondered about the dialogue between the narrator and the young woman. They seem equally familiar in the English translation, with her calling him "my cutie"; however, in the original the narrator calls her by the familiar "tu", while she answers with a respectful "vous". It probably doesn't matter in terms of the translation, since the distinction between "tu" and "you" may be telegraphing the standard power dynamics in a certain profession. But it did catch my attention. I suppose the translation is conveying the same thing by saying the young woman was "Sashaying lean and lazy", and the expression "How's tricks?" might be a pointed pun rather than just an innocent, lighthearted greeting.
I don't mind the loss of the "two glowing eyes" in Verse 3, but other readers might.
The professions listed in the final verse seem stereotypical of the Montmartre neighborhood: "Are you a journalist, / Painter, sculptor, person of independent means, / Poet or pianist?" For that reason, the translation's "duke with a chateau" seems badly out of place. Yes, such a person would fit the loose description of "a person of independent means" (
rentier), but I can't imagine the Montmartre police seriously asking this question, for a number of reasons ... chief of which is the post-Revolution shortage of French dukes with chateaux. And for the cops to think he might be landed gentry from somewhere else, wouldn't he have to be much better dressed?
The phrase "trust fund baby" is probably too current for this poem, but the word
rentier seems to be derived from
renter, "to fund". It's more plausible for the cops to think the narrator's a prodigal son squandering his resources on wild living in Montmartre, rather than to think he's actual landed gentry.
Overall, very effective at putting us in the narrator's world. The use of dated English slang ("old bean", "hoosegow") helps set this poem in a particular era and social class, as well as just being a lot of fun. I loved that "Who, me?" at the end of the third verse.