The translator has done well in the parts where he/she remains closer to the literal meaning of the original. A notable example is the first two lines, which draw us right into the dark comedy and ironic wit so characteristic of Brecht. And I love that battle/cattle rhyme! There are too many similarly good parts to mention . I feel the piece is less successful where the translator has strayed more from the literal meaning of the original. Not that I am opposed to taking liberties, but I think some of these go too far. I do not care for "sexual monkey on his back" – it's too OTT for this piece – Brecht is to the point and doesn't mince words, but he is subtle – so you don't need to hit us over the head. Also, it just doesn't sound particularly musical.
I don't think narcissist has quite the same connotation as egoist.
I think the beginning of S2 is way too OTT! The China/vagina rhyme –nah! Not that I'm a prude – we've been hearing these words on mainstream television for quite some time now – but Brecht’s words are so much more subtle. Sometimes, less is more.
In S3 I think excluding the gallows is a shame, as it loses both the concreteness of the image, and the hard sound of the word, which you get in "Galgen," and which is actually repeated twice in the original. I think the translator has done well with the "upon her" rhymes in S1 and S2, but I don’t like “conner” in S3. It’s too judgmental of the woman – after all it’s the man being judged, not the woman, who doesn’t pretend to be anything other than what she is, unlike the hypocritical man. Besides, the word doesn’t even sound right – don’t people say something like “con man” or “con artist”?
But otherwise I think it’s fairly successful, and sings well. Kudos to the Yodeler’s valiant effort to evoke Marlene Dietrich sitting on the piano, cigarette in hand. After 20, 30 years of smoking, you can sound like that too! (Not that I recommend that!)
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