Roger,
Sorry, missed you post. Thanks for the comment. Yes, I can certainly make it work forced when I read it out loud and I think this sort of poem lends itself to a sing-song delivery, so I don't mind so much that it sounds forced / sing song, since it's that kind of poem. I guess the issue is how clunky it sounds to others, and how much I can rely on the reader to impose the rhythm and force the metre onto the line.
Thanks again,
Matt
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