The DG is right. After reading this sonnet, it was as if I had been there, too, watching N's parents letting go of their cares and worries, caught up in the frenetic swing music. It's evident the poet cherishes this tender memory, this cameo appearance, as it were, and we're left wondering about the private wars, and what may have transpired once the music stopped.
The instances of slant rhyme and the jumpy, bumpy rhythm reflect the dance itself, and the absence of a single volta is perfect for the swirling throughout.
I think some of the language could possibly be heightened, tightened, such as the phrase "how to do it all" in line 9, which takes up three feet that might otherwise be put to better use.
Last edited by Catherine Chandler; 10-22-2016 at 08:11 AM.
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