Oh dear, I'm going to be another rare voice of dissent on this one. Although I do think it's pretty clever, it strikes me as a language game that goes on for too long, something that could have been produced by two people throwing ideas at each other, so therefore lacks that sense of the careful working through of individual experience or argument that I want from a sonnet. You could do the same thing with, say, the word 'set' (the word with the most separate dictionary definitions fact-fans, or used to be): 'A place the humble badger makes his home/the thing a jelly does before you eat' etc.
I also think that after all the build up the 'twist' ending doesn't quite work. All the examples have been definitions of 'X', where the ending is clearly 'ex'. That's different isn't is?
I'm with Michael that this would work best as a clever 10 liner, with S2 being the one to go: the clothing image sounds prosy and the film image, while jokey, sounds silly and prudish.
Sorry.
|