I almost suggested making this shorter: 4 or 6 lines of set up, followed by the couplet.
But I think the larger problem is the mishmash quality of the list. If all the details contributed, subtly, to an atmosphere of curdled romance, disappointment, longing, self-blame, whatever--it would work at 6 lines, or it work as a sonnet.
As it is, we've got some stuff that I think does contribute to setting up the couplet (promised cache of treasure, unknown quantity, chromosome, infinity), but a bunch of other stuff mixed in that's off in terms of content and tone (skull and crossbones, ballplayers, clothing size). And some stuff that could go either way.
I could see having a more positive response to the ending, if I felt like the rest of the poem had (however subtly) set us up for the personal revelation.
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