[Brian Allgar]

(Spoiler: To all reality-challenged Republican voters, this is a JOKE)

BREAKING NEWS – FBI FIND MORE EMAILS

An unnamed source within the FBI stated that they are currently investigating thousands of emails found in a computer belonging to the late great-aunt of a woman who went to a school less than five miles from the one attended by Hillary Clinton (née Rodham) when she was seven years old.

The agent said: “To date, we’ve found nothing but recipes for Pecan Pie, Chocolate Brownies, and similar stuff. However, the recipes could be coded messages, so we’ve got our best cryptographers working on them. They got quite excited when they discovered that “Celery and Chilli Soup” is an anagram of “Hillary lied – C. pounces”, and pointed out that “C” could be Comey. Unfortunately, the email is dated 1972, when Mr. Comey was twelve years old, which makes it unlikely. So we haven’t yet found anything incriminating, but we’re still hoping.”