Julie, I'll post what I have but I'm not sure most of them have stood the test of time.
Something there is that does not love a wall,
but when I crap I like a private stall.
I met a traveller from an antique land
and rifled through his trunk for contraband.
When in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,
I’ll have my lawyer claim the strumpet lies.
Turning and turning in the widening gyre,
My clothes are almost ready for the dryer.
What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
Include three pigs who lured me to their sty.
Time does not bring relief; you all have lied.
But peeing does, it cannot be denied.
I celebrate myself, and sing myself.
And when I need a date, I bring myself.
'Tis better to be vile than vile esteemed,
And far more fun to sin than be redeemed.
My lov’d, my honour’d, much respected friend!
Have you a hundred dollars you could lend?
Had I the world’s embroidered cloths,
My nightmares would be filled with moths.
Earth has not anything to show more fair
Than Mary Shelley's derriere.
Mary had a little lamb
marinated in mint jam.
Look in the glass and tell the face thou viewest
the chickens of thy youth are home to roo-est.
I knew a woman, lovely in her bones,
until she ate too many scones.
Based on Song Lyrics:
She's the kind of girl you love so much it makes you sorry
When she takes off all her makeup and she looks like Peter Lorre.
The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.
(I had it fastened to my coat, but then it came unpinned).
And isn't it ironic . . . don't you think?
They served me gin and tonic . . . but I never drink.
In my mind I'm going to Carolina . . .
Where I will use the restroom marked "Vagina"
I am just a poor boy though my story's seldom told,
But now I'm rich and famous 'cause my records really sold.
And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me.
I wish I didn't live above that goddam flashing film marquee.
It's a free ride when you've already paid.
It's a free stall, when you've already made.
It's a black fly in your chardonnay.
It's a Clooney clone who turns out to be gay.
The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls,
But yo' mama's phone number appears exclusively in bathroom stalls.
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