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Old 09-11-2018, 06:26 AM
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Don Jones Don Jones is offline
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Location: Dayton, Ohio
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Hey Martin,

An effective little song. Quite delicate but powerful.

Last line of the refrain has skewed syntax with the adverb. How about “don’t even want to know”?

Is the following from your crib—A number of fools carry [their] skin to the market [risk their necks]—a common idiom in the original like "neck" for "life" in English or is it a metonym particular to this song? If the latter I would somehow work it into your translation. An arresting image.

I agree with A. Sterling’s note on “crossing all September” in relation to the crib.

I favor the changes you suggest for the last two lines of S1.

Don

Last edited by Don Jones; 09-11-2018 at 06:47 AM. Reason: Copyedits
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