Barry,
I'm sorry, but this thread is in breach of our Guidelines, though many members have been kind enough to spend a lot of time giving you advice.
An initial query from a new member extending to nearly 1800 words (which was very much longer before you edited it) is, to say the least, self-indulgent. I fully appreciate your honesty in telling us that you have mental health problems, but we cannot allow special dispensations for that reason, I'm afraid.
I'm locking this thread as it is unlikely to produce anything further that hasn't already been said, although as Julie has pointed out, it is debatable whether Eratosphere is the right forum for you; “you're stuck with me whether you like it or not” kind of attitude is not acceptable, and that decision is not wholly yours to make anyway.
Jayne
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