limericks
John Ciardi:
There was a young man with a rod
Who thought he'd been chosen by G-d
To excercise Hell
From the girls. He meant well,
But the thunder said: "Exorcise--clod!"
I feel sorry for young Dr. Dow.
Our ladies won't go to him now.
When examining the parts
Of Mrs. Ray Hartz
He should have said "Hmmm" and not "Wow!"
On the talk show last night, Dr. Ellis
The sex shrink, took two hours to tell us
It's alright to enjoy
A rosy-cheeked boy
So long as your sheep don't get jealous.
Said Sophocles, putting his X
To the contract for Oedipus Rex,
"I predict it will run
Until the Year One,
If the shooting script plays up the sex."
There was a young lady from Putney
Who was given to sexual gluttony.
Warned a pious old duffer,
"Your morals will suffer."
"That's what you think," she said, "I ain't gutney."
There was a young lady named Laura
Whom the mere thought of sex filled with haura.
You may think it de trop,
But I want you to know
That the pope and his crowd were all faura.
***
Frank Richards:
FIRST FLIGHT
Said Wilbur Wright, "Oh, this is grand,
But Orville, you must understand.
We've discovered all right
The secret of flight;
The question is, how do we land?"
In Pinter's new play that's now running,
Our Harold's lost none of his cunning.
Throughout the three acts,
We hear just four facts,
But the pauses between are quite stunning.
Poor Ophelia sighed: "I deplore
The fact that young Hamlet's a bore.
He just talks to himself;
I'll be left on the shelf,
Or go mad by the end of Act IV."
***
Ogden Nash:
There once was an umpire whose vision
Was cause for abuse and derision.
He remarked with surprise,
Why pick on my eyes?
It's my heart that dictates my decision.
***
Cyril Bibby:
There once was a maiden of Arden
Who thought, as she lay in the garden,
"If caught in this nudeness,
I think there's no rudeness
So long as I mutter, "Beg pardon!"
***
Anthony Euwer:
As a beauty I'm not a great star,
There are others more handsome by far,
But my face, I don't mind it,
Because I'm behind it;
'Tis the folks in the front that I jar.
***
Anonymous:
There was a young girl, a sweet lamb,
Who smiled as she entered a tram,
After she had embarked,
The conductor remarked,
"Your fare." And she said, "Yes, I am."
The limerick pack laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical:
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
***
And one from memory, whose authorship I don’t know:
A southern hillbilly named Hollis
Used possums and snakes for his solace.
His children had scales
And prehensile tails
And voted for Governor Wallace.
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