[Carl Copeland]

Thanks, Andrew! I actually did post one Pushkin poem before the last June Prune, and I’ll have to mail it to you privately because, very unusually for Pushkin, it’s in terza rima.

Originally Posted by Andrew Frisardi

line 1: Why the Miltonic “orb” and not the simpler “light”?

“Light” is too simple. The Russian word is “svetilo,” which contains the word light, “svet,” but refers to heavenly bodies in a poetic way. It has a power and majesty.

Originally Posted by Andrew Frisardi

line 3: How is “Sound, sound, obedient sail” translating to “Flap on, submissive sail, keep up your bluster”? I’m not getting the connection, and “keep up your bluster” seems to contradict the image of its being submissive or obedient.

You’re right about “bluster” contradicting “submissive,” and I’ve changed it to “flutter.” I must have thought about that, but let it pass for the perfect rhyme, and now I’m so used to it that I don’t see what I’m reading any more. The rest of the line is another example of that. I couldn’t even figure out your problem at first, but yes, you’re right: I’ve changed an auditory image to a more visual one. The Russian verb literally means “make noise,” but it seems to me that English poets are more likely to use specific sound words, like “rustle,” “roar,” “murmur,” etc. I decided that “flap” and “flutter” had enough implied sound in them to do the job. Do you disagree?

Originally Posted by Andrew Frisardi

line 6: Should “magic” modify “landscape” instead of “clime,” as it does (apparently) in the original?

Perhaps it should, though I don’t see a huge difference. At the moment, I don’t care for the rhythm, but it’s probably just a matter of getting used to it, so I’ll try it out.

Originally Posted by Andrew Frisardi

line 12: Is “desperate love” the same as “mad love”? They can have similar meanings but “desperate” evokes an image of despair or melancholy, while “mad” is more passionate and energetic.

Yeah, “desperate” is an interpretation and could be off, but I took it to mean that his loves were mad because they were hopeless, maybe couldn’t even be spoken—women who were taken or above his station.

Originally Posted by Andrew Frisardi

line 13: Would “all I had to suffer” keep the original’s sense better?

I like maintaining the personification of “heart” here, but your version would be a little closer to the original. I’ll think about it.

Originally Posted by Andrew Frisardi

line 19: The syntactical inversion here doesn’t work, I don’t think: “just never to the shores forbidding”—I think I’m understanding correctly that you mean “forbidding” as a modifier for “shores,” though it could also be “forbidding / of” the native land in the next line. I’m also not getting how “forbidding” works as a translation for “sad” in that line.

If you only “think” you’re understanding correctly, this line is a problem, and I’ve tried a new wording that has the advantage of letting me sneak back in a word I left out of L17: it’s “awful/awe-inspiring” in the crib, but is closely related to the word for “thunderstorm” (and, incidentally, is the word translated as “terrible” in “Ivan the Terrible”). See what you think.

Originally Posted by Andrew Frisardi

line 27: “misery” and “gloom”: one of these is conspicuous filler, especially for the simple “sad.”

The original here isn’t “sad,” but “suffering.” “Gloom” is indeed filler, but I need it for the rhyme and don’t see a way out at the moment.

Thanks so much, Andrew. It’s so important to get a second set of eyes on these things—and in your case, very skilled eyes.