[Alexandra Baez]

trying out a different stanza break scheme and another new last three lines

Visitation


My bedding lay in rumples at my side:
I rambled dimly in the dreams of night—
but through the room and wooded stretch beyond,
wide, threadless sheets of pressing, pearly light
enveloped everything.

I woke. My sphere
had boldened to a spectral fairyland.
Did any see it suddenly appear
or did it imperceptibly expand?

I stared, then pulled away from listless shrouds
into this greater dream that shone around:
above, in swirling scarves of black-shot clouds,
a full-fledged moon held sway. Her head was crowned
in white . . . or did mere atmospheric haze
hold such uncanny power to amaze?


Revisions:
S2 L3: was "Did any see a sudden shift appear"
S3 L1: "listless" was "sleeping"
S3 L4: "white . . . or" was "white. Or"


Previous:

Visitation


My bedding lay in rumples at my side:
I rambled dimly in the dreams of night—
but through the room and woodland stretch beyond,
wide, threadless sheets of pressing, pearly light

enveloped everything. I woke. My sphere
had boldened to a spectral fairyland.
Did any see a sudden shift appear
or did it imperceptibly expand?

I stared, then pulled away from sleeping shrouds
into this greater dream that shone around:
above, in swirling scarves of black-shot clouds,
a full-fledged moon reigned coolly. Silver-crowned,
she yet was just the moon; her space no court—
just sky where chiaroscuro held its sport!


Revisions:
S1 L3--"woodland stretch" was "soaring woods"
S2 L1--"enveloped" was "fell over"
S2 L2--"boldened" was "sharpened"
S2 L4-5--was:
Was any being conscious that the shift
sprang up—or did it subtly expand?
Before, "sprang" was "sprung"
S3 L1--"sleeping" was "dozing" was "sleeptime's"
S3 L2--colon was ellipsis
S3 L3--"above" was "Above"
S3 L4--"full-fledged" was "ripened"
S3 Ls 13-14--were:
she let the chiaroscuro have its sport
across her--unmoved mover of this court!