The “threadless sheets of pressing, pearly light” were lovely but I wrongly read the “fell over everything” at the start of the next stanza as meaning that your visitor had got tangled up in your rumpled bedding and had literally fallen over and this was what woke you up! Oops. (Something like “covered” or “blanketed” rather than “fell”?)
I also had difficulty trying to work out the last lines of S2 ie
Was any being conscious that the shift
sprang up—or did it subtly expand?
It sounds like you are wondering if you have been gifted a private vision of this moonlit wonderland or whether others also able to share the vision? I think it’s the “shift sprang up” that’s tripping me up.
In S3L1 I’m not sure about “sleeptime”. It feels slightly childish. Could you go with “sleeping shrouds” or “nighttime’s shrouds”?
The “swirling scarves of black-shot clouds” were intriguingly atmospheric. And atmosphere is what the poem is about I think.
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