Thread: And away
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Unread 12-10-2023, 06:08 AM
Andrew Frisardi Andrew Frisardi is offline
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This series of related poems is a poignant pleasure, David. I smiled at the rhyme pair “are / au revoir.”

I’d consider putting a full stop at the end of line 2, since it seems odd that they are taking out the N from the contraption like a photograph, whereas the bun simile works great. If you agree, you could change the start of line 3 to “I think of.”

Also, since line 4 is missing a beat (“I FEEL like the MUM-my!”), I think it would sound better iambic-pentametered like the rest.

I hope this series is all published together at some point.
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