Thread: Manifestation
View Single Post
  #23  
Unread 12-11-2023, 12:05 AM
Tony Barnstone's Avatar
Tony Barnstone Tony Barnstone is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 789
Default

Glad you liked my crit! So, to answer your question, the Frost move might be something like this:


a full-fledged moon reigned. Was she silver-crowned,
or was she just the moon; her space no court?
--just sky where chiaroscuro held its sport!

Instead of stating it, he will leave it open, like the end of "Design":

What had that flower to do with being white,
The wayside blue and innocent heal-all?
What brought the kindred spider to that height,
Then steered the white moth thither in the night?
What but design of darkness to appall?--
If design govern in a thing so small.

or the end of "After Apple Picking":

One can see what will trouble
This sleep of mine, whatever sleep it is.
Were he not gone,
The woodchuck could say whether it's like his
Long sleep, as I describe its coming on,
Or just some human sleep.

He'll HINT, suggest, perhaps and if and maybe it, but won't state it.

Finally, sorry, I know you like the chiaroscuro and the sport rhyme, but I'd love it if the last line really rang the bells and send us off musing and magical and laughing. The poem deserves an amazing last line. It's good enough and it just needs that satisfaction at the end. I wish I could say what it would be, but as I tell my multimedia collaborators, "Well, those are my thoughts. Take them if they are useful. Now go off and be a genius!"
Reply With Quote