Good move. Would you also consider omitting the second and third stanzas? They don't appear to be doing any necessary work, and I think deleting them would leave behind a fine poem. (As a reader, I couldn't see why I should care that there are no fireflies or June bugs, and of course I already know there is space between you.) If that strikes you as too spare, a new title could easily set the scene.
Last edited by Roger Slater; 12-11-2023 at 04:51 PM.
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