Hi Tony,
I am just going to give my impressions for now. There's flippancy here and a somewhat self-conscious mockery of easy philosophies and trends, some creative rhymes, some bathroom humor, and a description of the pleasure of releasing a few degrees of body heat via urinal transference. You seem to have the functions well described and bring your important images clearly into view ("Ahem," some will say, muffle a cough, and turn away at what you are asking them to imagine....). I don't think the theme is for everyone but I like the attempt at portraying the surprisingly complex and flighty ways of entertaining one's brain that a bathroom trip can entail. What failed for me on a couple readings was the ending, because I kept interpreting that the N was tattooing his brain for 30 seconds rather than instead reading probably more sensibly that he was releasing what he had taken in and was shaking off the world's live stream for thirty seconds. This might again just be my reading comprehension skills at fault, but I thought I would mention it. Oh, and "shaking off" for thirty seconds has an interesting triple meaning I am not sure you mean to be there....
All the best,
Jim
Last edited by Jim Ramsey; 12-12-2023 at 09:41 AM.
Reason: add a "that"
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