Hi, Jan. I think that you could be a bit less telly in this poem in spots and strengthen the poem thereby. For example, in S1, you could simply mention/describe the types of flammable material on the forest floor without specifying that it is fuel. And in S2, in describing the ground, you could keep the “shrinking inward . . . “ part and add a little something extra like this but not mention explicitly that the ground is dying or even that there has been no rain. If you were to do a good enough job with such unannotated descriptions, they would do all that’s needed to paint the scene you’re trying to paint and lead the reader to the correct conclusions. We would be drawn more deeply into the experience of the poem by being actively involved in the deduction process. You’ve already pointed us in the right way with the title, so you could get away with a lot of pure images in the poem itself.
There’s an extra period at the end of S2.
I’m not sure I mind the three words Michael cited in the poem per se, but I think perhaps it’s their quick succession that may feel a bit much to me. I hadn’t heard “sussurate” before but clearly, it’s an appropriate description on a pure definition level, at least. “Fulminate” in noun form was new to me, but you give enough clues to help with this.
I really like the last line myself—it’s my favorite. I also like “summer’s hammer,” but I’m not sure exactly what it is—the heat, I guess?
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