Tony, what an interesting way to address the themes that you mention! I did get the gist of these before reading your comment. I love the title and the imaginative descriptions.
I was thrown somewhat at the beginning, though, because your first line sets the n at a sushi restaurant, which naturally leads me to imagine him in the most stereotypical situation within this context—seated at a dining table. But then, the next thing I know, I find that he’s actually taking a pee, although I don’t actually realize this until L5. “My body drains a yellow sunlit summer” is poetic enough language that its meaning was obscure to me until I was given the more explicit details that follow.
I guess the fact that the fruit is antioxidant is important in that it embodies cleansing, part of the cycle of nature? The word sounds a mite out of place with its new age healthnik vibe in this poem, whose description of “the process” is otherwise general and feels symbolically universal.
I wonder about “shaking off the world’s live stream.” Clearly, this is playing off the other “stream” just described, but does it do so perhaps too vividly? It leaves me imagining the entire world having taken one huge torrential pee.
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The tattoo your brain thing I thought was just an interesting bit of bathroom oddness that might suggest a kind of mental shift/reset
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I see “tattoo” as a symbol of indelibility, so this seems awkward company to your themes of impermanence and fluidity.
The end of your poem is surprising and has the gripping feel of fast-paced fiction. “Then I leave”--the crowning simplicity.
I thought I had posted on your last thread (apparently I skipped the last step) that I find the premise of your philosophy series of poems very interesting. Within the context of their presentation as a group, the references at the end of each would more likely make more sense to me (assuming that there was some sort of an introduction to tip one off) than they had initially. I’d really be interested in seeing the whole project once it fully manifests.