[Jim Moonan]

.
Alexandra: "Jim, wow! It appears that you’re an ideal reader for me. I’m glad you got the sense of tantalizing glimpses of something profound. I felt them while thinking and writing about this, too.
It’s funny that you’re presenting this as a positive whereas it’s exactly what some others have bemoaned!"


Yes I noticed that… I hope that between my effusive reading and the others’ more measured critical reading you’ll find what you need. You should be pleased to know that everyone likes what you are doing. I don’t mean to soft-soap you into thinking it’s a perfect poem. It goes without saying that any poem posted here is done in hopes of making it better. I could start (or end) every crit I’ve ever made by saying “This could be better” or “Come back to it after letting it sit and see what needs attention.”

I know how lopsided I can sometimes be with praise. (For the record, I am considered by those close to me as being "critical" : )) I appreciate others who can provide a counterbalance to my praise-heavy comments. On the other hand... sometimes I can’t help but think, too, that some critters, as skilled as they are, make the mistake of re-imagining the poem to be in their own language/voice vs. the language/voice the poet has chosen. In this case, the voice I hear is the water talking. It speaks with a certain resignation; it is reaching for the outer limits of the imagination and wants to stitch it into something tangible (a leaf, a twig) for the reader to take away with them. It has a life of its own; it is wildly imaginative and, I think at least, transcendent in its passionate telling. (There I go again.)

I do think that poetic inspiration, our muse, oftentimes sits on the tip of the tongue hoping to be poetically expressed vs. being swallowed or spit out.

I want to repeat that the subject of the poem — that shape-shifting space within a stream of moving water that momentarily snags, gathers and ultimately relinquishes the leaf, the twig, etc.— is positively ripe with beauty.

Please don’t give up on this. (I know you won’t.) It is already so pleasing that I think the only thing you should be careful of is not to diminish/minimize it in any way. (There I go again : ))


.