Hi Alexandra,
Thanks for your usual careful attention to a sphere poem. I can see how you have thoughtfully compared the first two versions of this one. A few things in regards to your comments.... I say in this that a shark's eyes roll, but actually I think they have an inner eyelid that closes to protect their eyes when they attack. It looks like the eyes roll and i thought that description was close enough but I have wondered if I should be more accurate. I've thought of switching s2 and s3 but as you realize shown by your comment, the ending couplet depends on its proxomity to s3. Also, I see my turn as being the somber reality of the shotgum pellets surfacing in the beginning of s3 where turns usually arrive, though my turn may really be in the last couplet with the switch there on who is rescuing whom. I've posted a new version trying to make the details about the dog a little more quirky and interesting like Simon and you have suggested. I don't know if I am getting there yet. There are so many things that I could say but my brain gets constrained by the form! Free-versers like I primarily see myself as being are so wrong when they think rhyming verse is easy!
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