I really like this too, Jan. I love the way the nursery-rhymish light meter and short lines contrast with a modern tragedy, and I love the Bob-Dylanesque litany of incongruous items.
I agree with Julie about “dad” and “holy show.” Since the latter is an idiom (a new one for me), I think it should be lowercased unless, for some reason, you’re emphasizing the holiness of the scene.
|