On "Fire Assignment".
Hi.
I'm new to the Eratosphere.
These are just my ear's thoughts on and reactions to “Fire Assignment”.
• I wonder whether so many adjectives are needed. For example “flimsy green” may be too much detail. I think the same about “weathered” porches and “empty” rocking chairs.
• “really” in line 10 feels unnecessary.
• There’s a nice transference of the writer’s exhaustion in the “tired” of line 6 and the “wants to sleep” of line 11.
• “Every” lines 12, -7. Maybe one of them could be “each”?
• “gentleman” in line 16 feels incongruous. Could the feline image of the previous stanza be used for the “careful .. steps”?
• Line -2. I’m not sure “purest” is needed.
• Final line: the “reseeding” image is nice, suggesting both stars and the recovery of fire damaged land.
My best wishes,
Chris.
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