[Alexandra Baez]

Joe, I seem to be enjoying this new version more than the original one, but without being able to see which parts were changed, and only being sure from memory of some parts that have not, I can’t say how much of my shift in perception is due to changes in the poem and how much, to changes in my consciousness.

Anyway, that’s an interesting choice to place a period after the title—I don’t think I’ve even seen that done before!

I see that apparently “anisometric” is a synonym for “heterometric.” I learned something new!

Initially, I was put off by the poem for the obvious, explaining quality of parts of it. I was feeling like this is one case in which the n actually sounding fully like the person he's depicting himself as—doddering, simple-minded--is not a successful approach. These phrases stand out most blatantly:

I struggle to engage.

Often I am looked at like I’m odd.
I misjudge the tide, marooned or overwhelmed.
Often, yes, I simply smile and nod.

However, there are some passages and phrases that convey the mentality of the n, but in a way that still engages this reader’s imagination and sympathies:

My hearing aid won’t help. It hisses
sibilants that camouflage the shape
of words I thought I knew.

Wayward, they are looking to escape,
homesick for a settled point of view.

And then there are also some parts that, while they have varying degrees of linguistic interest, puzzle me in terms of meaning:

unsighted

Yes, like a couple of others--I just never knew that one of this word’s definitions was “prevented from having a clear view of something”! I guess it should really be on us, your audience, to know or learn this definition, rather than on you to circumscribe your vocabulary to meet ours. It’s a neat word to use here with this meaning—your instinct to present all the n’s deficiencies as if they were largely attributable to something else is funny and rings so true of old curmudgeonly people—or even just curmudgeonly people generally.

My crouching cockeyed glasses see the distance out of true.

“The distance out of true”?

The list of things to do is curt and misses
out the things I used to do.

Do you mean that the list misses, or that it misses out on--or something else?

That spark will not be worried after.

Despite the quaint phrasing, I suppose I did get both of your intended meanings out of this. This “custom confection” would probably be more assimilable by readers if you were to clear up the other points of potential confusion.

And jokes just laugh among themselves.

Similarly to Jim, I was thinking it might be nice to have a more colorful word than “talk” here, one that’s more specifically aligned with jokes. However, till I read his comment, I was blindered by the notion that one generally ought not to repeat a word in a poem, or at least not too soon, and thus had overlooked the possibility that he noted of simply using “laugh.” I think it’s actually a great idea—the effect in this case would not be one of redundancy, but of accumulating power. And yes, the sonics would be nice.

Interesting—in the US, we typically say “over my head” rather than “above my head” to convey something that escapes one’s understanding. So I didn’t pick up on the idiomatic meaning here as much as was intended, although some of it did come through, wispily. Also, for some reason, I hadn’t noticed the little grammatical slubs in this stanza until I read others point them out. I.e., one would expect the elements following the colon to represent possibilities rather than certainties, and thus for there to be at least a question mark at the end, if not one also after “now.” However, if the sentence were not intended as a question/s, there might be an “about” after “wonder.” I see that you like the ambiguousness of “nearer now,” but the comma before and after it do obscure the list structure you seem to intend in this line (the two items in the list being “chatter” and “shadow”). Normally, I’d place a semicolon after “chatter” if “hushing shadow” is the intended referent of “nearer now,” or after “now” if “chatter” is the intended referent. However, this part is not a big stumble for me, and for what it’s worth, I’d tend to consider “chatter” to be the referent of “nearer now,” since the former appears before the latter.

I do like the feeling of this last stanza best of all--how it wisps off into vastness--and especially that perfect last line. This stanza seems to have better competition now from other areas of the poem (due to your revisions) than it did initially, though--which, of course, is a good thing.