[Michael Cantor]

Thanks, all, for the generous and helpful responses.

Shaun - very good suggestion about swapping out the closing couplets in S1 and S2, and I will do that. It gives a better arc to the poem. However (I don't want to be too nice to you) I agree with Jim on This once was - I read it as a headless IP line. (I also have to admit that I didn't realize that all three stanzas started with "This" - but now that you pointed it out, I'll take full credit - it was my subconscious poet what done it. And, yes, it's another reason for staying with This once was.)

Your suggestion regarding "within" would make sense with the original poem, but since I have switched the closing couplets (per your suggestion), it would now be in the first stanza - and that's too soon for a stronger word.

Jim - Thanks for the good words and the encouraging reaction. I'm aware of the serious weather on Plum Island this winter - my step-son keeps us informed. Plum Island in February can be charming and cosy for a long weekend when you're in your forties or fifties - but suicidal for codgers - and Valori and I haven't been there in February for many years. We're essentially Santa Fe residents now, with a few months on the Island at the end of summer and into October. So the poem is built on memories - we lost about six houses in our area to a northeaster over ten years ago - rather than today's headlines. But the sea persists.

Joe - See Roger's comment (below) on S2L9. He's got it!

Thanks for catching the duplication on "swell". That slithered right past me. "Knell" is a good substitute, but I think I'll go with the angrier "resurges for a final, crashing knell".

I hope the god-fearing fatalism isn't overdone. None of the people I know on Plum Island think that way. (Of course, I wouldn't be caught dead associating with the people who do.) I'm hoping that it will be read in a broader sense.

Roger - You got it! Thanks.

Julie - I'm a sucker for the WORD - EM DASH - WORD approach with spaces surrounding the em dash, but it'a nuisance to use, so I generally end up with en dashes.

I'm not sure "bricks" is a show-stopper, but your comments led me to:

We’ll pile massive block on block as high
as gulls can fly to stop the tidal swell,

which works better sonically, and hopefully makes us both happy.

Matt - you have a point about "besiege". I wasn't looking for perfect rhymes, but it worked out that way except for "besiege" - so "breach it is. Thanks.

"Pile" is one of those "wild card" words ("fire" is other example) which - in my opportunistic and slightly sleazy mind - can function as one or two syllables depending on what comes before or after.

"A wall of rocks" sounds best to me. Can't say why. Same thing with "something says..." - it's in the air. Will fix the typo, and thanks.

Susan - "besiege" is out, per my comments to Mat above. And a "swell" sleeps with the fishes per help from you and Joe.

I agree on "dead fish smell" - will switch back to what I had originally.

By "rush of stone" I was referring to the noise made by the rush of small stones (and shells, and the occasional bottle or used contraceptive) swept in by the incoming tide. Particularly in the quiet of the night it is a very distinctive sound.

David - "dead fish" it is!

Thanks, all for the help. I have to take care of some family biz for a few hours, but will have a revision, embodying the points discussed above, up later this evening.

Revision now posted.