Thanks for all the help. I've used most of it to revise. I was most hesitant about the line length but now I think I may like this better. I have been writing poems lately that look more like this on the page and was partly motivated to mix it up but that's probably silly. I'll still have to think.
I'm going to keep the raven's teeth for now. It is about a loop and as Julie pointed out there was once a raven with teeth. I know it's a little startling but that is what I like about it. But everything has the potential for change. (I mean everything about the poem.)
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