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Hi Ella, (FYI, When I first read the poem a couple of days ago the linked image was different from what I see now. Unless I'm going crazy (((In which case never mind!))))
I like "we" and I like the lineated version.
I think the first line would glide better without the comma after "long".
I especially like the visceral parts of the poem — the parts where I can feel/hear the mechanics of the bike as it interacts with the cyclist. Like Matt, I found the feather image of a bike tumbling out from under its rider to be off. Unless you are going for that moment in times of trauma when things slow down and sound is turned off as if the senses have taken control of the experience.
It might be a worthwhile exercise to work on shortening this. I think a tighter version might be interesting. As an ekphrastic, I think making adjustments would echo/compliment the abstract, angular painting that I remember it reflecting a few days ago. ((( but I could be going crazy!)))
Ella, I remember reading other poems of yours that take place outdoors and that you are an environmentalist/wildlife technician by profession, so it makes sense that your poetry is at home in nature. But you also leave the door open for the reader to step inside and experience your interior poetic thoughts about the outside world. In a way, it is the opposite of most poets, I think, who see the outside world through an open window, and invite the reader to experience the poem as perceived being imagined from it the confines of their inner self, if that makes any sense (((But I could be going...)))
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