Jim, you know this is the type of poem that fits me. I like poems that take off. The challenge with that sort of poem, imo, is if the imagination is going to be in front you have to work on making it as startling and as original as possible. (God, I sound like a pontificator.) My point here is that while I like the pace and shape of this it fails to interest me much because we start with a "poltergeist," which can't help remind me of the old movie with the little girl who died a few years later. The next line is "zeitgeist," which is overused and often misunderstood. The rest of the action, again imo, is conventional. Dishes flying, floors cracking, charlatan wizards, shape-shifters, unholy whatever. It ends up being too much like a low-budget horror movie.
That sounds like an asshole thing to say but it's the vibe I have while reading. I understand all too well having my mind taken away from me and it's a much more original experience because we each have our memories and smells and fears, etc. They are unique to us--I mean unique as it should be used--the only one in existence--because it comes from us. My suggestion is to remember the experience and write from that. What was it like--smells, fears, thoughts, observations (was the water running in the sink?)
I hope this helps and honestly I'm not trying to be heavy. It's my honest reaction. I think it could be a good poem.
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