[Matt Q]

Hi Jim,

I like the idea here. I'm left to ponder what the poltergeist represents, what it is that comes upon the N when things aren't right, which you don't spell out, which I appreciate. I'm thinking some sort of paranoid thinking, given the reference to conspiracies. When the N is tired, weak, afraid, the N engages in destructive (hence the poltergeist) negative thinking and feels trapped in it (the doors being shut and locked). I like the idea of the mind being (or being inhabited by) a destructive spirit.

That said the combination of "zeitgeist" and conspiracy theorists did make me wonder if the poem is referencing conspiracy theories and theorists more generally, and making a cultural/political reference.

I do think there are places where the language and imagery could be fresher, less expected, or where abstractions could be replaced with images. I think you've got the idea down, and now you need to think about freshening up the language and imagery.

I don't really understand L2. Zeitgeist is the spirit of the times, what does it mean here for the zeitgeist to be dead, or to come back from the dead? I have no idea, and the poem gives me no context. Also, with "zeitgeist" being an abstraction, the line has no image. Maybe you can find some imagery to show us what it's like when the poltergeist appears?

L4, you might consider a replacement for "maniacal" that's some more image-based. What does the yelp sound like? I think may you're trying to contrast maniac (mad person) with "perfect sense", but maybe there's a way to do that more of an image-based modifier.

Should L4 end in a comma?

L6, I kind of want "scurries on ahead", just for the more iambic feel. And L7 "shifting shape" sounds better to me than "shapeshifting" for some reason.

L8-9, What if "connecting dots" were "collecting dots", something to shift it from cliché. And in L9, what if the it were "the nose that grips my face" or something else, that isn't the expected phrase, and likewise could the elephant be somewhere other than in a room -- to freshen up the cliché a bit? In the bed, say. Or is there an alternative to this phrase? Also, as well as being a stock phrase, this is an image of an elephant. So, why is there an elephant in this poem, where has it come from? Where does the elephant go? Anyway, you're stringing together some stock phrases in these lines. I'd look for a way to switch this up a bit.

L10 I'm not sure I quite understand what the N is shouting, but then again, I'm not sure that bothers me much. Give the N's state of mind he might not being making too much sense. Still, does "doing wizardly things" add much to just saying "you're that charlatan wizard"?

"when things aren’t right; when I’m helpless,
sleepless, up all night half-dreaming in dread,"

This is maybe a bit flat -- though I like the rhythm and you have the right/night rhyme, which I like -- when the phrases are taken together, and you might think of fresher ways to say these things. Maybe ways that incorporate imagery. Notice there are no real images in these two lines and a lot of abstractions. Still, maybe I'm just being overly demanding. The only thing that really stood out for me here in a negative way was "in dread" for it's "tellyness".

S2L6 "unholy truths" is something of an easy reach. Again, is there something fresher? I love that they're spewed against the side of his bed though. That's a great image!

I struggled with the grammar in the latter part of S2: "when I’m helpless, sleepless, up all night half-dreaming in dread, and suddenly — there he is again — sneering, spewing his unholy truths at the side of my bed." isn't a proper sentence. So maybe you should change the semicolon to a comma? Alternatively, maybe lose the "and" before suddenly. Or do both, in fact.

There's some repetition: The poltergeist is "holed up" in the N's head in L1, then in his "hiding hole" in S2. It spouts "conspiracies" in S1 and "conspires" in S2. This might be intentional, but I wonder if looking for ways to avoid word-level repetition is worth trying. Also, is it possible for one person (even a spirit) to conspire alone? Doesn't conspiracy more than one actor?

best,

Matt