I really like this David.
At first I wondered a little about S2L4, whether the jokey tone works, was it was a bit of a throwaway line. But rereading I can hear a note of self-recrimination, and also a reference to death, a sense that we are all ultimately pushed for time, that works well with the theme of busyness in S3. And now the line seems a lot less like a throwaway, and more poignant. I can also read the last two lines as the comfort being somewhat hollow. The N and the deceased being too busy with the everyday, comforted by ideas of something in the distance, by dreams. Perhaps dreams of when the distant fruits of their busyness might be harvested.
Some nits/issues.
The first stanza seems more songlike than the rest, because it slant-rhymes AABB: Swaying / Away and "stones"/"below". Maybe that was accidental? Even so, it sets up an expectation of more rhyme, and I find myself a little disappointed when this doesn't continue. I'd love to see the whole thing rhyme, but I realise that's quite an ask.
Metrically, S1L4 strikes me as ambiguous. I tend to hear tetrameter, "where your SCANT reMAINS". This is an issue with headless lines (which is what you're after?) If they don't start with a naturally stressed syllable, the first syllable may not be heard as stressed: something I remember Timothy Steele flagging up. You do something similar in S3L1 where I can hear "that was JUNE, a BUSy", though it didn't wrong-foot me as much as S1L4.
best,
Matt
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