Total, unpoetic nerd that I am, the first thing that I do when I encounter a ghazal is to check the last stanza for the signature. Yup, it's there, Sue, so it's safe for me to proceed.
I like the thrust and concept of this, and I agree with the changes you made, but overall I'm not as enthusiastic as the other readers. What I particularly like about it is the proclivity of internal rhymes - going beyond the basic ghazal requirements - which I think work particularly well in a ghazal. What bothers me, however, is that the writing/word choices sometimes seem forced. To certain extent I think you can get away with this in a ghazal - a slight air of other-wordliness can work with and help the overall ghazal - but it isn't working for me here - too many forced rhymes.
To some extent, I think the internal rhymes - which I praised above - have also led you into the forced language/rhymes (do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself).
In S2 searching my nets seems forced. Buddy movie in S3 doesn't work for me because it is too divorced from the language of the ghazal. In S4 I like all the internal rhymes, but I agree with Joe that it's tough to untangle, and the stanza doesn't work for me.. In S5 the internal rhymes sound good - but also seem too forced. Maybe back off and replace hack, particularly since you have another ack in S6. I love S6. brined your heart in S7 is dreadfully forced. Could you do something with entwined? I don't understand S8. Where'd that pearl from? And, while there's nothing wrong with S9, I'm personally a clash of cymbals on the last line kind of guy, and maligned is more of a lawyer's word.
In short, I like the approach and the overall sense of the poem, but I think it needs more work. And I sympathize with you on working with those rhymes - I tried to make some more concrete quickie suggestions and got nowhere.
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