I enjoyed this too, Jan. The quotes (those I got) didn’t bother me, but the teaspoon explanation did a bit, as Joe points out, and “The number not the length” comes off as a joke for anyone capable of dealing with the idea at all. (There should be a comma after “number,” btw.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt Q
The poem scans as iambic trimeter, except for S4L1 and S4L3 … I'd prefer the whole thing as trimeter.
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Strong second for Matt on this. S4 is a little late for metrical variation, and I was thrown totally off balance. Shouldn’t be hard to regularize if you want (“A circle of existence,” for example). I also like his suggested “each perches on the edge.”
Unless I’ve misunderstood, S5L1 and S5L3 should end with commas.