Carl,
If you want this to be read as a ghazal, you should keep the last word in each couplet the same, so no "growing," "groaning," or "unknowing." But if you want to just play with the form (which is another valid option), you might omit "ghazal" in your thread title. It is good that you keep your couplets separate and vary the allusions in each. The first sher is quite literal, but the more metaphorical ones feel more poetic. I like the allusion to Pound in S3. S4 is an interesting idea, but rather abstract.
Susan
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