Okay, I think my revision based on Julie's and Carl's comments has now finally stabilized enough to formally invite feedback on it.
Carl, I'd still be interested in your answer to this:
Quote:
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About the dash in the last line—did you notice that in the revision, I added a colon at the end of the first line of that stanza? I realized that without it, this stanza wasn’t very precisely saying what it was trying to: I didn’t mean “round” to refer to the circumstances surrounding the whims of weather, but only to the location of the frame around these scenes. I’d thought that with that colon, the dash was no longer appropriate—no? To me, an ellipsis can be used to suggest a dramatic pause leading up to a ringing conclusion, which what I was trying for here in lieu of a comma (although I actually preferred the feel of the dash in V1).
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Thanks!