Thanks, Matt. Your thoughts are always appreciated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt Q
Should that be "blows"? I can't get "it blow" to work grammatically.
|
It’s meant to be subjunctive (as confirmed by
Two Gentlemen of Verona: “the most forward bud / Is eaten by the canker ere it blow”). But the phrase is too faux-archaic and was gone before I saw your comment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt Q
I wonder if "go" gives you too much go-ing in the second line. It might be worth playing with a different verb.
|
I actually put it in because I liked the repetition, but you may be right. I can always revert to “In the sand / drift.” I used sand to hint at my original image of pyramid robbers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt Q
"All into Lethe’s numbing flow is going."
A little unwieldy in its inversion seems this line.
|
I’m afraid this may be the price I pay for a real ghazal, but think on it I will.