[Alexandra Baez]

Now to your revision! I think that you have cleaned it up remarkably well. In fact, you’ve made it look easy, although perhaps it wasn’t. (Was it actually a task, or did it all come together quite naturally?) It’s much clearer in meaning, and you’ve ticked off the “genuine ghazal” box that you decided you wanted to.

It’s nice the way you elide metaphor with reality in “petals, faces, words.”

I do like the repetition of “go,” “going” in S3 and feel it delivers the desired emphatic effect. (I tried simply subbing in “fly” for “go”--keeping the inversion of this sentence, which doesn’t bother me--and while this variation might feel more proper, it seems less potent to me.)

I was wondering why in S5 you say “here below.” Is Pandora above now?

The only new potential improvement I can see is “cared for so.” Amid all its monosyllabic neighbors, plus being an inversion, it sounds a bit clunky. How about a bisyllabic verb like “nurtured” instead? Then it could better carry the inversion