Thanks for the welcome, Carl and Julie.
How embarrassing to drop a whole line! Good catch, Carl. It makes much better sense now.
I found all of your comments very helpful and made some revisions.
I decided to keep “ice-blue” lips because голубой specifies a light-blue color and to emphasize the cold. Am I beating the reader over the head with it?
I wondered about the odd punctuation of <<опознал>>. I decided that “singled out” had just enough cloak-and-daggerishness to capture the tone.
I dropped the “so” on your recommendation. I’m not fluent enough to really know the nuances of initiating conversation in Russian with total strangers, but I do realize that in Russian, as in many languages with T-V distinction, there is a complex etiquette.
Truly heartfelt thanks to both of you for your care and encouragement.
Glenn
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