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I'm chiming in once more to say I like what you’ve done to improve it. I enjoy watching it grow.
Once the discussion begins playing chess with a poem, especially formal metrical poems where meter and rhyme take precedence, and since I have little cache in that regard, I begin to humbly fade and it saddens me in the same way I imagine the N in the poem is saddened by the disconnectedness of his life in spite of being surrounded by good friends.
I do realize it’s a matter of skill — and that this is a workshop forum. I’m undoubtedly enlightened by the back and forth discussion. Yet humbly, from my perspective, and at my station in life, I grow impatient and must go back to the poem itself and listen to it sing. This one sings.
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