Matt! Very useful, thanks. See revisions. I'm eliding "Beings" into one syllable to make troche/iamb to start line eleven.
beings we | invent | ed to dream | us up. | Here lies
It has an anapest, which I almost never allow, but what the hell. Once in a thousand lines is okay, I guess.
Similar minds, my friend, in fact I originally wrote per your suggestion "beings we dreamed to dream us up" but changed it feeling that "invented" was clearer -- yet, I think it is also more didactic, less lyrical, so I'm gonna take your suggestion here, thank you!
Last edited by Tony Barnstone; 04-14-2024 at 04:20 PM.
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