Hi, John—
I wonder if this doesn’t belong in the non-metrical section. It reads like free verse to me.
I like how the imperatives (see, raise, leave, hear, see, wait) give the poem structure. Maybe find a way to avoid repeating “see?” Taste is the only sense missing.
Maybe it’s a result of the dream-like state, but I feel a tension between active, excited verbs and verbals (fall, cheering, wonder, tumble, laughing) and quiet, thoughtful ones (glow, lilting, clings, watch, wait, mooring). It was difficult for me to decide what the speaker’s dominant tone was meant to be. The last two lines are money. I like the complex image and synaesthesia of hearing the light and the /ōō/ assonance with “new,” “spool,” and “mooring.”
Glenn
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