The epigraph out of context of the rest of Dickinson’s poem and prior to the context that you gradually provide in your own poem, doesn’t convey a clear meaning to me.
I like the play with “rot” and “root.” But there’s a potential confusion in “peach that browns with rot or dead-end artery”—that it could mean that the peach may be browning with “dead-end artery,” though I know that’s not what you mean. I agree with the calls to un-capitalize “Hell.” I took “rebel cell” as Glenn initially did.
You seem to have a contradiction between
Somewhere . . . is my own Hell,
a power hidden at the unknown root:
the power to die.
and
I’m powerless to do
anything but stew and percolate, spin
idea-webs, move the body through
the street among the bodies
All that second batch of stuff sounds pretty alive to me! I guess your point there is that ultimately all of these actions lead to death, but it comes off as a backing-off from the blunt directness of the first passage. Overall, I really can’t make out what’s happening in the second sentence. What exactly is the n poised to fight—high-tension wires? Or are those simply spurring thoughts in the n of other ways that he’s subject to adverse influences that are almost beyond his control? I guess the latter, but it’s unclear.
Also, I was bothered by the metrical jolt of “eat him.”
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