[mignon ledgard]

John,

Line breaks brought out musicality and the page looked like waves of words. I did this to ease the reading for my ailing eyes. It is not a suggestion.

Articles ‘the’ I counted seventeen — over half of them could be dropped.

There [,] hide from the gods >> add comma, maybe not..

Drop the ing from ‘clinging’ to better distinguish from and contrast against those preceding. Add a verb to make the clause stronger — maybe:

‘There, hidden from the gods and their perpetual clawing and cawing, screaming and scheming, their red eyes firing, dismissed messengers cling to harps and flutes.’

Sorry for the truncated attempt. I didn't see.. May learn some day.

Good luck on your project,
~mignon