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Unread 05-11-2024, 07:12 AM
Roger Slater Roger Slater is offline
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Location: New York
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Do you mean "chimney"? I think of chimneys as being on top of the house, but you're describing the mantelpiece, aren't you?

L6 and L12 both have an extra beat.

I like this overall. Reminds me a bit of a Borges sonnet, "Las Cosas," which you can look up if curious.

At least on first reading, I was a bit slowed down by trying to figure out all the relations, since you specify quite a few (my mother, my daughter, my grandson, my father, grandpa) and I tried to follow along since I thought they would figure in the poem a bit more than they ended up doing. On second reading, though, I took them simply as grounding for the fact that the speaker is in a house that is full of family/familiar objects, and the exact relationships were not important.
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