Carl, I think you have the form of the ghazal here, but not its beating heart. Narrating events in the history of Babylon doesn't evoke the depth of feeling that I associate with the form. I see the ghazal as an expression of yearning and loss, and history is certainly full of yearning and loss. What about using Babylon as a metaphor for your own feelings? To evoke feelings, think of phrases like "metaphor/score/sore/swore in Babylon." Ideally, each sher should evoke a feeling in the reader, and having a range of different feelings, even mixed feelings, adds depth.
Susan
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