[Yves S L]

Carl, I am not really giving you advice, more commenting on the technical aspect of the poem most interests. Of course the poem expresses emotion, whether that is the emotions a reader expects in a Ghazal is up to the reader.

All I am saying is that the pattern of using a direct address or not at the end of the line has interesting effects that can be interpreted emotionally and patterned. That is the aspect of your Ghazal that I find interesting.

For example this how you set up the Ghazal:

Your glories fade to horror, Babylon, [Direct Address]
from Babel to the Whore of Babylon. [Not a direct Address]

This pattern functions like an A and B rhyme that get repeated in the Ghaza as it goes round and round.
I am sure that trick has been used before, but I don't spend much time with Ghazals so ...

(If there was advice it would be to dive even deeper into the world of the Ghazal if that is a form that you sincerly want to be able to control, and not just give up because some folk on a forum did not much like it.)